Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
should my penis look like a turkey
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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