And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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