i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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