Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
