its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
