Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
