just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
