I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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