how can u be prego again
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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