just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
