I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
