when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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