seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
