I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
