I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize