when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
