I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize