i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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