Need sex. Gaining weight.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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