What did we do last night that was yellow?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
