I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
