they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
