So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
