I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
