I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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