Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
