Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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