i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize