Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
