Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
