She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
