Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
