i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
