didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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