He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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