I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
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