That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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