I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dick very happy bro
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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