Plan B is the new Plan A
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
