Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
