Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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