wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
