If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
