Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
