i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
