Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
