i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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