Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
