No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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