your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
