I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
