i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are leaves in my underwear?
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