1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
