And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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