my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
