How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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