It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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