Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
