I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
