did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize