and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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