They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I pour the whiskey from now on
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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