It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
