i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
