You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i would punch a child for taco bell
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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