the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
