I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am available for nakedness
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
